Grieving process on death

On the death of a very close loved one, an individual may go through many or all of the following stages in sequence:

Stages of the grieving process:

• Shock and numbness
• Outburst: “How dare you tell me he is no more …?”
• Denial – "It can't be true!"
• Disorganized – “what’s happening, I feel lost”
• Fear – "I'm scared. Will others also die?"
• Anger – "I don't want anyone, I hate you all"
• Blame – "Who is responsible?
• Shame or guilt – "I am a bad child, so he went away"
• Pining or longing – "I want him back"
• Bargaining -- living in fantasy “maybe a miracle will take place”
• Despair, hopelessness, no future – even loneliness
• Euphoria – “Now I can do what I want, I want to fly …”
• Anxiety about losing control of life – "Who will take care of me?"
• Depression – Losing motivation, interest and involvement in life
• Loss of Self Esteem – "I am good for nothing, I'm useless"
• Apathy – "I don’t care what happens"
• Acceptance – “It is reality, I cannot change it”
• Rebuilding & trying to move on in life – “Let me try and go forward”

Rebuilding

1. Distraction for immediate relief, enjoyable activities
1. Keeping up daily routine -- Official, Family, Personal, Social
2. God or spirituality or meaning of life – reading, rituals, group prayers
3. Identifying the setback, reliving the tragedy -- What happened, how it effected me
4. Tackling with ongoing problems, or expected ones (at practical level)
5. Feelings NOW – awareness of feelings very important. Can I accept my feelings?
6. Reaching out to another in similar grief. Your close relationships & your responsibility to them
7. Is there a long term solution? Can I wait?
8. The worst and most painful tragedies can be overcome with sustained efforts. The struggle is long, even painful, but it will give results.

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Feelings

Thoughts -> feelings -> action-> feelings in other person-> reaction

There are a multitude of emotions, but only three feelings.

There are just three feelings: the pleasant one, the unpleasant one, and the neutral one.

The importance of feelings is that they help give rise to emotions, in other words the bases of all emotions are the three feelings.

When feeling is united with mind, it generates emotion. Emotion is the activity of feeling directed into a mental concept. The feeling energizes a conceptual response to a stimulus.

Feelings are primarily either pleasant or unpleasant; rarely are they neutral.

Awareness leads to action towards change.

Steps to manage feelings:

1. 1). Awareness
2. 2). Understand feelings and its complexity
3. 3). Acknowledge not negate
4. 3). Determination,
5. 4). Getting motivated and
6. 5). Then action
7. 6). Acknowledge feelings of other person
8. 7). Manage your reactive feeling

Awareness of one’s own feelings is emotional intelligence

1. Problem Solving,
2. Decision Making
3. Creative Thinking
4. Critical Thinking
5. Communication Skills
6. Interpersonal Relations
7. Empathy
8. Self awareness
9. Managing emotions
10. Management of stress

Anger: most dangerous – can cause instant harm – self destructing

• All strong emotions need outlets, particularly anger, because it is the most destructive emotion.
• It stems from unfulfilled desire (rooted in fear, helplessness), and often rational thinking is lost.
• If you become passive: it lowers your self esteem, the other person walks all over you, and unconnected third persons form bad opinions about you.
• If you become aggressive: it drains you & escalates war
• Too much anger can lead to a personality disorder; whereas frivolous anger is the sign of an insensitive person.
• Feelings can be controlled at three stages—Thought, Speech & action

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