Do relationships die?

I have tried this several times with children: I ask a group, “how many of you remember the name of your grandmother?” Quite a few hands go up. Then I ask about grand-mother’s sister’s name, or name of great-grandmother. Hardly any hands go up. Then I ask how many remember the name of the Father of the Nation, or the great King of Ayodhya who conquered Lanka. All hands go up.

This is an exercise in understanding relationships. Our relationship with Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi is not dead, even sixty one years after his demise. Our relationship with Lord Rama or Emperor Ashoka is not dead, thousands of years after they left their bodily form. But our relationship with our own great-grand parents is dead, and we remember nothing about them.

We remember our old servant who passed away. We recall our best friend who left the city and disappeared with his family in childhood. We cannot forget the boy or girl on whom we had a childish crush, and who we could never gather the courage to speak to. This is the beauty of relationships. I feel that a true relationship is not by the tie of blood or marriage, not even by duty or law, but by the emotional bond. The person who has left us and gone to the other end of the globe, the one who had an untimely death, or one who we just stopped meeting and drifted away from – some of these have left a strong footprints in our journey of life. Having had them as part of our life has enriched us forever.

Make a list and see who your true relations are. It will be those who remain deeply embedded in your mind and heart.

For ….. true relationships can never die !

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Smile

It only takes 17 muscles to smiles but 43 muscles to frown!

How often do you smile? Smiling is a habit, it needs to be developed. Smile warmly at anyone who comes in contact with you, and see how likable you become.

Do not think that only important people should be made friends with. Firstly you do not know who will become important tomorrow, and secondly even the most unimportant person can do a very big favour to you sometime.

Give positive strokes to others (compliments, pats, hand shakes, a thumbs-up sign, a hug) and see how many positive strokes you get, from the same person or from others.

Learn to love yourself, acknowledge the things you are good at doing, and respect your abilities and build on them.

Even accepting compliments is a skill – if you know how to accept compliments gracefully, you will get more and more of them.

You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Show concern when your friend is upset, has done badly in studies, or is let down by others.

Become proactive: Be for something instead of being against something.

Be for improvements rather than being against your parents or teachers, or anyone who hurts you. Tell yourself that you are going to take life in your control and decide your future.

Learn to forgive others. If you do not, you are allowing them to keep hurting you, controlling your life, and making you miserable. You need to forgive for your own sake, not for the sake of the person who has done wrong to you.

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FRIEND

As a saying goes.."To possess a Good Friend is to first be One"

Interpersonal relationship starts with reaching out. Do not wait for the other person to introduce – talk to anyone when you get an opportunity.

Remember that first impressions are formed within four minutes.

Ask yourself how you answer the phone, or respond to greetings (even the way you react when you are being introduced) – you will be surprised how dull or uninterested you sound.

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Relationships

Relationships affect our happiness more than any other factor. We look for our own needs in every relationship that we have thrust upon us, or we seek out.

• Relationships are dynamic, they have to be nurtured
• Expectations from close persons are highest
• We get hurt by the slightest act of close person
• Defined (labeled) relationships vs. undefined (“just” friends)
• Society is moving more towards the latter, as family bonds reduce
• Friends of convenience vs. true friends (emotional bonding)
• Some of us are fortunate in relationships, like being born wealthy
• Definition of Mental health, in simplest words: “peace with yourself and harmony with others.”
• Good relationships help us build our mental health.
• Start with building a good relationship with yourself. Understand yourself, what you “are” vs. what image you present to others
• One of the most important and least understood factor in relationships, is – giving space

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