Marriage and Communication

Marriage is often taken for granted—until it starts hurting. And then it becomes more of a competition in accusations rather than an exercise of improvement.

It is important to understand that there are many dimensions unique to the relationship called matrimony. Assess yourself as to how strong you are in each of the dimensions, build up where you are weak, be aware and take pride in those where you are strong:

DIMENSIONS OF INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

1. Sex—actual sex, and non-sexual intimacy

2. Emotional—being tuned to each other’s wavelength

3. Intellectual—closeness in the world of ideas

4. Aesthetic—sharing experiences of beauty

5. Creative—sharing in acts of creating together

6. Recreational—relating in experiences of fun/play

7. Work—closeness of sharing common tasks (home/off)

8. Crisis - closeness in coping with problems and pain

9. Conflict—facing and struggling with differences

10. Commitment—dedication to common goals

11. Spiritual—sharing ultimate concern and ethics.

12. Maturity—taking responsibility, toleration

13. Communication—the vital source of true intimacy. Many shortcomings in the above can be overcome if communication is good. Any form of communication (including arguments, fights). The weakest marriage is one where there is no communication.

Want to do something to improve your marriage?

Try out the following action points.......

1. Look into each other’s eyes for at least a full minute and, without words, try to read what the other is feeling.

2. Let one person say the other’s name repeatedly, changing the tone and intensity, until that person senses that it “feels good”.

3. Practice listening & understanding by explaining the spouse’s problem. (Switch roles)

4. Attempt to get messages through to each other with the use of touch, facial expressions, body movements, eye contact and gestures.

5. Try arguing at a distance, and then do the same face to face holding hands.

6. Do not meddle in each other’s affairs. Learn to love rather than wanting to be loved.

Do you fight?

If you have answered “No” to this question, please apply to the Guinness Book of World Records. An important tip regarding FIGHTING:

People who fight badly or bitterly do so because they want to CONTROL the other person. Happy couples fight too, shout and sulk etc., but they do not try to control each other. Control is the pathetic alternative when you lose out on love.

Good luck and happy communicating!

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